This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
