Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
as a side note pls kill me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
