Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
