not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
