I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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