i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
