He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
