she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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