chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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