good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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