Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
