I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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