he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
