My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
