I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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