This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
