Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
