the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
