you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
