he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
