If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
