Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
