She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
