I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
