My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
