i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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