Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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