We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
