Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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