I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
