Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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