Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
