I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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