i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
