she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
