I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
