oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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