Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this just has baby written all over it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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