Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
