I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize