Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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