You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
