wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
