"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
