She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
