you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
