I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Randomize
