why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
