ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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