apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
