You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
