This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
